As satirical as “being woke” has become, there is some purpose or fulfillment within the constraints of this awareness. When the phrase “we live in a society” is thrown around, as another means to criticize, there is some valid truth within what comes after. Social cues, constructs, and expectations have all been created by the people, for the people. They have served as a road map to identity, to self worth, and self-creation.

I argue that this sentiment is felt by everyone. Although these constraints can be more clear-cut and well-defined for marginalized groups, this overall suppression of self is felt by the vast majority of individuals. This piece’s purpose is not to serve as a fluff article that’s perpetuating the typical feminist agenda, but rather evaluating a fault within my own self in regards to condoning these conditions.

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan, is by no means my bible. I believe it features out-dated, first wave, and often white-washed feminist theorems and explanations, limiting the inclusivity of feministic theory. Among these issues are underlying comments about class and sexuality, that also contribute to the rhetoric around the fact that maybe it shouldn’t be celebrated in full magnitude as a ground-breaking feminist text.

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/02/4-big-problems-with-the-feminine-mystique/273069/

With these noticeable caveats, throughout reading the text, I still found points of relatable conclusions and thought-out explanations as to why things are the way they are. Friedan utilized specific coined phrases, either she founded or would give attribution to, that encapsulated many of the primary routes to certain gender-related problems.

Sexual function was one of Friedan’s phrases. Friedan used it to place into digestible terms the constraints that were [arguably are] placed on women and girls, to be mechanisms of sexual pleasure and eventual motherhood. Friedan writes, “One cannot help wondering if they have not been educated for their sexual function too soon, while their other abilities go unrecognized.”

Within this quote, Friedan is placing the blame on the natural way that women and girls were taught through social constructions of this time period (reference to the first publication date in 1963). The inherent need of females to have the ability to sit and act as if they were stuffed and shelled versions of themselves, Friedan writes, was a path intricately carved by life itself. Each girl entered the world knowing exactly what was expected of them and suppression of oneself was how they knew how to heed to this requirement.

Regardless of analyzing this text, or even owning this text, and subscribing to a majority of the beliefs within my own head, I must admit that this requirement is one that is somewhat easy to fulfill. I can fill my bookcase to the brim with words on feminist theories, I can argue against my family members, and older generation individuals about why their expectations are wrong, but I can’t seem to in all actuality, combat their expectations.

Instead, I hide behind the empty phrases, the somewhat curbed expectations, and the pointed words and promises of never letting myself fall in line with the ideal, to try to keep this conclusion to myself. The conclusion that I may never have what it takes to break the constraints that I [and arguably many others] believe are broken every day.

It is much more comfortable to sink into the roles that we were handed, than to seek out ones of our own doing. I rather wake up every day looking towards someone else’s acceptance, than my own. It is much more difficult to carve the intricate path of your own self-acceptance when the constraints you have the potential of placing on yourself will radically fracture those that you have been told to subscribe to.

I don’t feel some sort of heightened activism when I empty my brain for others’ to occupy space or when I take the photo of my unclothed body just to fulfill someone’s satisfaction. I just feel regular, not confined, I feel as if I am doing what is being told. I feel as if I am existing with ease.

I am exhausted with the pretentious pretending that any of the above is wrong. That wrapping yourself up in your boyfriend’s shirt is condoning the patriarchy. Sometimes, it is easier to fight the silent fight than it is to exist on a plane of discomfort. Sometimes, it is easy to give into the expectations of society because all else is unchartered territory.

- Faith Bugenhagen