You’ve been waiting for decades at a time
And I’ve only been around for months on end
“Don’t you block out those times back then?” She asked
 normally i wouldn’t let that kind of shit bother me
But tonight it was enough to make my fingers disappear and re appear in my eyes so they could take place of yours
Because if you saw what I saw, there would be more to the feeling of sensationalizing memories
How many memories do you live by?
How many nights have you watched this exact situation play out and you’re not capable to love yourself still?
Kindness has been mockery to the living
But you and I aren’t living
We’re decaying together from a distance
Every pill I’ll snort
Ever bottle I’ll slam on concrete as my friends chant me on
I’ll be thinking of how difficult times have been since the clock strikes my heart at 10
I’ve been taking notes
Going to therapy
Talking to loved ones
But
Something is always missing that was never apart of me
Something that was boiling like my blood but evaporated into the same sky you watch at night thinking about what could have been but distance pulled on us like a cigarette
And jus like the greatest operas you’ve ever heard, I too will have a tragic ending
Recommending advice and books to people
But where do I fit? Where do I go?
I’m tired of taking pills and these doctors want to put me on more
I’m tired of pain for understanding and my soul wants to take more
I guess maybe it all is yin and yang
The balance within the stranger things that occur when you visit life
But I’ve been visiting life for too long
Dancing with the bigger picture
But you, have been an infringement to the laws of myself
Enjoy yourself
Share yourself
Spread love and take care

by Ajamu